My First Test

So G went to work yesterday morning, and as is usual on a Monday will be staying over. Always always hard, I reward myself for getting through the day alone with a cake usually, but that cannot be the case now.

The morning and afternoon went well really, I managed to get the downstairs tidy, L had a nap & we went to rhyme time at the library. Was really really quiet and was only 2 mum's there that I know to say hello to. Luckily before it started one of my mummy friends from sw walked in with her little boy. They came back to ours for a drink & a chat.

L had a decent nap after lunch, which had disappeared last week. She did need resettling after about an hour but then went down for another 40-ish mins :) Gave me a chance to get the wii fit out. Managed 45 mins and I did feel really good once I'd finished, although soon I was exhasted & my back was very sore. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching real housewives of orange county, and playing on the floor with L.

L went down nice and easily at bedtime, which is when my problem started. She was asleep by 6.25pm and after cooking dinner (pasta, chicken, peppers & passata) I was at a loss of what to do next. Ended up going to bed to watch eastenders with a massive bowl of strawberries, a muller light & crumbled digestive biscuits was very yummy.

Finally feeling like me again

After so long of not feeling like me, finally I feel like I'm back. First it was the pregnancy stuff, not being able to do anything at all, even washing myself just destroyed my whole self-esteem and I sort of lost all respect for myself for not being able to successfully do something as natural as pregnancy and childbirth. Then came all the issues with L's feeding, the reflux, allergies, changing her milk and meds every 5 mins, and all the normal 'problems' you have with a newborn not sleeping during the night. It's not surprising I developed PND and lost all motivation to even try to loose weight.

L's been sleeping from 6.30/7pm through to 6.30/7am for the past couple of weeks, with only a couple of exceptions, which is brilliant. She's been in a milk feeding routine since she was 6 weeks old but with weaning I felt at a complete loss and it was all erratic, since I started following gina ford's weaning book is when she started sleeping.

So now with L sleeping, I'm sleeping, I've cut down on how much we're out during the day as well, we were having some weeks when we'd have just one day at home together, it's lovely going out and seeing people and having a life but it is nice just to have a couple of days playing with L and getting chores done. I'm not feeling as manic about things, when I feel really bad I either want everything done to the n'th degree or I don't care at all, feel like I've reached a happy medium now.

I finally feel like I've had a knock on the head and have got back on plan 100% since Wednesday, yesterday was the first day I had all my syns - I had a hungry day, and today we've set up the wii fit again :)

Apart from walking I've done no exercise since I gave up aquanatal in October last year. Felt really good to get a bit of a sweat on, I had to be careful doing it with my dodgy back (and it's bloody aching now) but I feel like I've taken control of my life again.

I know what I want, I know how to achieve it, G's on side, I'm desperate for L to grow up with a healthy attitude towards food and fingers crossed I can keep it up

Day 2

Another day 100% on plan, not sure how I've stuck to it though. L didn't sleep well last night, and as I'd been suffering big time with my back took codeine tablets and went to bed at 7.45pm. Felt like a zombie all day, thankfully L was happy to play by herself this morning, so I could rest then by lunchtime it was back to normal so we got on with some chores.

Unbelievably cold today, especially considering it's August, had us both dressed up in loads of layers, and no nappy off time for L. Went to the GP's to collect my repeat prescription and there was a tiny week old baby there. My womb actually ached, how I can possibly be broody after 18 months ttc, hideous morning sickness, 3 months of being housebound with SPD, elcs under general anathetic, with added complications, a second hospital stay with an infection, still having back problems caused from living with SPD for so long as well as having a newborn with allergies and reflux, I just don't know.

L is desperate to crawl, it really won't be long, she's rocking on her hands and knees at every opportunity and is getting very frustrated. Also need to get a move on with getting her a load of 6-9m clothes. Where she was in 0-3 til she was 5m old I just haven't sorted things out, but I must. Putting too many outfits in the 'too small' pile, poor baby has about 3 things to wear

And so we begin

So yesterday was weigh in, I shouldn't have been suprised at what the scales said considering what I'd been eating but I hated it. G & I had a long chat on Tuesday night about our reasons for losing weight, we both want it for all the right reasons, now we just need to support each other to do it. Yesterday I sat through the new member talk and bought myself a new food directory. I picked up a food diary, FIT log and deleted all my old information on the Wii Fit.

The day didn't go to plan, had tonnes of chores to do but I had a flare up of the back pain I've been dealing with since L was born. Still managed to cook and had a perfect day :) Toast with clover lighter & jam, jacket potato with beans and hA of cathedral city lighter. Dinner was spanish meatballs and pasta with more cheese (syn'd) I had two bananas, one pack of cheese & onion squares, 1 coffee and 1 tea, squash, strawberry lemonade & a bit of chicken and managed 18 syns. I'm allowed 25 a day, due to my current weight, so 7 syns under :) :) Only body magic was hoovering in the morning and walking to group and back, but even so I clocked up one 15min block.

L is so active atm, she rolls all over the place and is desperately trying to crawl. Won't be long until I am actually running round after her. Can't wait